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ATMAN, JOB AND THE SON OF SHAME
In the light of the mirror of you,
the universe is observing itself through consciousness.
Roger Penrose
As mentioned like a mantra on Meditation.dk:
Whatever I point at, is for you
to verify in your own inner lab. Sit in silence, focus inward, and allow your
attention to spiral gently into itself. Such explorations can lead to profound
realizations. However, when you return from this inward journey and try to
capture the experience in words, confusion often arises. You may search the
knowledge bank of mystical experience for suitable language, only to find
yourself entangled in conceptual contradictions.
A fundamental divergence in spiritual traditions lies at the heart of this
chapter: Buddhist schools generally reject the notion of an individual soul,
emphasizing instead the concept of
anatta (non-self),
while Indian Vedantic and Christian traditions affirm a divine presence or
‘entity’—whether as
ātman, the eternal self, or the soul made in God's image.
Especially the Christian mystics are not so
far from the Hindu saints. Meister Eckhart was scrutinized by
the Inquisition for several of his teachings. One of the propositions attributed
to him and later condemned by Pope John XXII in 1329 was: "Whatever is true
of divine nature is true of every being, and conversely, whatever is true of the
nature of beings is true of the divine nature." This statement reflects
Eckhart's belief in the profound unity between God and creation, suggesting that
the divine essence is present within all humans.
Personally, I find inspiration in the Vedantic and Christian perspectives—not
because they offer definitive truths, but because they resonate more deeply with
my direct experience. Despite their vast differences, both traditions recognize
a reflection of the divine within the human being, portraying us as microcosmic
expressions—‘monads’—of
a greater cosmic intelligence.
But before we fall into endless debates about whether there is an essence, a soul,
or a God, it is essential to recognize that language and concepts
are often the true culprits of this confusion. Words inevitably fail when tasked
with describing something fundamentally beyond language.
Therefore, I urge you to be brave enough to find your own concepts. Trust your
experience and express it in a way that feels true to you—without leaning too
heavily on established vocabulary. Let my writing inspire you, but do not follow
it as your truth.
And when you do find your own language, keep it light. Let your words be
signposts, not anchors. Let them point the way, but never mistake them for the
experience itself.
Theologicans may quarrel, but the Mystics
of the world speak the same language.
Meister Eckhart
PRIMORDIAL PAN-CONSIOUSNESS
Let me now introduce my intuitive, fleeting, and
experientially coined understanding of consciousness, guided by
Occam's Razor. Please forgive any redundancy as I unfold this
next layer. In explorations such as these, I favor what one
might call a mantric writing style—a style that allows
understanding to gently descend from the head into the body,
transforming intellectual comprehension into embodied
"innerstanding."
A primordial pan-consciousness appears to permeate time and
space. This ubiquitous consciousness is not dependent of
biological life to arise but manifest as a shadow mirror of any
structural matter.
This simple first observing consciousness is what I refer to as 'God.'
However, this God of the first order is not self-aware in the sense we typically
imagine. It is a pure, pervasive awareness, present but not yet
conscious of itself.
Let me offer a brief illustrative example. Have you
ever woken up at night, suddenly realizing that you had been
conscious during sleep, yet you were not aware of being
conscious at the time? It is a peculiar kind of awareness—subtle
and pervasive 'presentness', but without self-recognition.
If that seems abstract, consider this simpler analogy: Imagine a
loud and persistant hum from a minibar fridge in a hotel room. You do not
notice the sound at first, but when the fridge suddenly stops,
you become instantly aware that you had been hearing it all
along. The awareness was always present, but it had remained
just outside the reach of conscious recognition.
These examples point to a simple, primordial consciousness—one
that is present yet unaware of itself. As an attempt to organize
my own life experiences in a meaningful way, I postulate this
consciousness as an omnipresent mirroring of all physical matter
in space-time—a vast but dim light lacking self-awareness. It
reflects everything that manifests as solid and structured, yet
it remains blind to its own existence. In this sense it could be
named dark light since it is not aware of its own shining.
This primordial consciousness is like a guest in our world. It
is eternal, a locationless
location—beyond time and space, a higher-dimensional being that
transcends the constraints of our reality. Yet, when it 'enters'
or rather, samples itself into the manifest world, it does not do so uniformly. Instead, it
follows matter like a mirror-shadow, subtly concentrated and entwined with its
unfolding presence.
As matter evolves into more complex structures, this
space-time derived consciousness does not merely accompany it—it intensifies, both
in 'quality' and 'quantity'. The greater the complexity, the more
refined and concentrated its reflective capacity becomes. Seen
in this perspective, primordial consciousness does not emerge from matter,
but rather condenses and sharpens in parallel with its
increasing structural intricacy.
No matter how intense or concentrated this primordial
consciousness becomes, it still lacks the capacity to
consciously aware
itself. It reflects, it permeates, it mirrors existence—but it
does not see itself. Like a vast cosmic eye that remains open
yet blind to its own gaze, it exists as an unconscious
illumination, present in all things yet unable to step outside
itself to recognize its own presence.
As a quantum poet, I would dare to write: It is this primordial
consciousness that collapses the wave-function into matter—or
perhaps it is the other way around.
This
pan-psychic
'God' is, at its primordial core, neither human nor of worldly
nature. It interacts with space-time, yet it does so as an
osmotic
presence, a
visitor from a higher dimension—one in which our reality is
merely nested rather than ultimate. My deepest intuition, shaped
by direct experience, suggests that this presence resides beyond
cognition, beyond even what we conceive as existence itself—a
dimension where being and non-being, presence and absence,
dissolve into a singular, unfathomable ground.
In this higher realm, what we call
‘God’—or, in Meister Eckhart’s terms, the 'Godhead'—dwells
in a darkness beyond time and space. This is not the
anthropomorphic deity of religious doctrine but something far
more elusive: a primordial aware presence that belongs to a
layer of existence far removed from our familiar
dimensions and hence also understandings.
Thus, we will never fully explain consciousness, for we remain
bound by cognitive faculties shaped by time-space evolution—not for the
purpose of grasping our own infinite origin, but for navigating
the constraints of time and space. Our cognitive minds are designed for
survival, not for unraveling the groundless ground of awareness
itself.
It is, as Eckhart describes, the
'Ground of the Soul'—the silent, pre-conceptual mirror
in which all that exists is reflected, the source from which
even our cosmological constants emerge.
Pseudo-Dionysos describes this foundational state as
'Divine Darkness.' Expanding upon this, I propose that when
this transcendent darkness manifests within the dimensions of
time and space, it transforms into 'Divine Light.' In the
state of divine darkness, there exists but a single observer.
However, when expressed as divine light, this observer
proliferates, resembling countless stars scattered across the
night sky. Ultimately, though, there remains fundamentally only
one observer, perceiving reality through every individual's
eyes.
In summary, consciousness at it's core is not a 'thing'—not an object we can dissect or
measure. It is a higher dimensional stage on which all things appear and
interact, the backdrop against which reality unfolds. In its
essence, consciousness is primordial, preceding and transcending
all things that arise within it.
'God is The
absolute No-thing
which is above all existence.'
Pseudo-Dionysos
ATMAN: A SPACE-TIME COPY OF A
HIGHER-DIMENSIONAL BRAHMAN
In India, since ancient times the
individual human soul has been called
Atman. The universal 'soul' or consciousness was termed Brahman. In
this context it would give meaning to view Atman as a brain derived simulacra of
the pan-consciousness existing prior to brains as focal lenses.
Pan-consciousness
reflects
as closer to
ding an sich
a foreign dimension where terms from time and space does not give any
meaning.
In this
context, I envision Atma-consciousness as a space-time mirror-copy of a visitor
from another dimension, completely foreign to four-dimensional stage. Individual
human 'made' consciousness can be compared to a soap bubble, whose thin and
ultra-transient membrane reflects the sky.
Atman in Brahman - Brahman in Atman
Seen ontologically, biological life appears to
carry an inherent impulse toward the formation of a soul—what Leibniz might call
a monad, and what Kant would describe as a 'Ding für uns'—a
self-referential construct striving to approximate the other-worldly 'Ding an
sich'.
Now, let me set the stage for the next section with a simple yet
profound question: Does a dog know that it is a dog? And what
about humans? Is the infant below self-conscious?
The first Loop: Being Conscious about Awareness
The possibility of being conscious about being conscious is most probably a
feature that only can evolve in grown-up humans and some of our primate
relatives.
The child pictured above is conscious, but it is
still not being conscious about being conscious. A trained meditator will often
be conscious even in the phase of slow wave sleep. However, only when he wakes
up into being conscious of being conscious he can have a glimpse of the fact that he was
conscious all along. The meta-consciousness of being conscious will emerge
gradualy as we grow up. A human being is, in this respect, a concentrated rabbit
hole of self-awaring Consciousness. We are self conscious oases in the vast delicious dessert of primordial unconscious
Consciousness.
What is the mirror of consciousness made of seen
from the Atma level? It consists of neural feed back connections between brain
cells. A mirror is a feed
back mechanism.
IN MAN, 'GOD' BECOMES CONSCIOUSLY SELF-AWARE
This profound state can manifest only within
highly advanced and complex biological brain structures, capeable of
self-referenial feed back circuits. Viewing Eckhart's
teaching through this lens highlights his assertion:
'The only difference between a saint and a fly
is that the saint knows that he comes from God.'
At its core, the intrinsic variability and
individuality of consciousness stem from the human brain's sophisticated ability
to enter and sustain an intensified state of self-referential awareness.
However, being shaped within the
confines of time and space, the soul remains, and will always
be, a simulacrum of the timeless and spaceless—a reflection,
never the original, but ever reaching toward it.
This encapsulates the enigmatic nature of
consciousness reenforced within spacetime: it simultaneously exists and does not exist.
Within this paradoxical condition, consciousness mirrors
Kant's notion of the
'thing-in-itself,' extending even beyond Kant’s original definition. It
represents the primordial ground—a state transcending even the diffuse,
omnipresent conception of God.
Yet, in this simulacra reflectiveness Atman can be the experiental
newtonian knower of Brahman in Atman. Atman
is in this sense, the imperfect human in the form of Job and from here he evolves into the 'innerstanding' son of God.
As C.G. Jung points out, Jesus as a human representation of god
is heralded by Job in his trials. In his patience towards the
suffering created by god, he becomes greater than god and
therefore god 'decides' to be man.
Looped Consciousness
The real journey, at least for me as a complex,
self-referential biological being, lies in the unique ability to
become consciously aware of the primordial omni-consciousness.
In my interpretation, this marks the first loop of
self-conscious awareness—a moment that begins at dawn, when the
first awakening realizes it has been awake all along.
This journey began with the evolution of biological life capable
of self-referentiality. In highly advanced mammals, the
intricate organization of matter enables self-referential
feedback loops, allowing consciousness itself to spiral into
self-awareness. This biological roar of feedback has, by now,
reached a temporary culmination in the human brain—a structure
so complex that it can generate more possible neural
information-combinations than there are particles in the known
universe.
When the Looped Consciousness Discovers Itself
Now, let us read the following lines from Meister Eckhart with
this perspective in mind—that the ‘God’ he speaks of could be
understood as the first primordial consciousness:
"I am certain
as I live that nothing is so close to me as God.
God is nearer to me than I am to my own self;
my life depends upon God's
being near me,
present in me.
So is he also in a stone, a log of wood,
only they do not
know it.
If the wood knew of God and realized his nearness
like the highest of the
angels does,
then the log would be as blessed as the chief of all angels."
Meister Eckhart
This is precisely the miracle unfolding in deep
meditation. In the self-reflective feedback of introspection, awareness does not
grasp this knowing intellectually—it does not "understand" in the cognitive
sense, but rather "innerstands." In this state of direct recognition, we become
blessed, as the Meister describes, not through faith or belief but through an
undeniable, lived experience of divine presence.
It is in this spirit that C.G. Jung suggests Job, like the Nordic god Balder, is
a forerunner of the Son of God. What, then, is Christ? He is the one in whom the
dim, scattered light of primordial consciousness is gathered, magnified, and
turned back upon its source—the moment when awareness fully beholds itself in
consciousness:
"From the moment when Christ's soul and body
were united with the Godhead his soul has been gazing at the Godhead as it is
doing to this day."
Meister Eckhart
This is the return loop of consciousness, the
moment when the mirror becomes consciously aware of itself, when the knower and
the known dissolve into one seamless gaze. Here, with the Meisters words, the
knowing is the same as the knower himself.
Job is Greater than God
C.G. Jung posits that after
the trials of Job, God was compelled to manifest as man. In this view, the
Son of God represents nothing less than the weak yet omnipresent light of God,
focused and intensified through the narrow pinhole of the complex,
self-referential human brain. Through grateful acceptance of human suffering, the brain of Job becomes a magnifying glass,
concentrating the otherwise dim divine light into something far more brilliant
and distinct.
In this vein, a human being can be seen as a reflection of God—yet,
paradoxically, this reflection surpasses the original. Through the experience of
human self-awareness, God achieves a higher, more concentrated realization of
Himself through His 'Son'—a divine spark reflected and intensified in the mirror
of human consciousness.
The Copy Surpasses the Original
In contemporary times, many intellectual circles have entertained the notion
that our reality might be a simulation. This concept is often interpreted as a
simulacrum—a degraded copy of an original, a 'fall' from perfection. Such
thinking echoes an ancient mythological theme that humanity has strayed from a
primordial state of grace and must strive to return to it. This archetypal
belief can be traced from the Indian concept of
Kali Yuga to the story
of Adam and Eve’s fall from Eden.
However, I propose an alternative view—one that turns this notion upside-down.
What if, rather than a fall, this reality represents a vital evolution? What if
suffering and separation from perfection are not signs of decay but the birth
pangs of something greater?
Here, in the crucible of suffering, something entirely new is born: the loop of
knowing knowing knowing. This self-reflective awareness—where looped consciousness
becomes aware of itself—is the miracle of human life. It is the very process
through which God, through man, surpasses His original form.
Thus, rather than lamenting a lost perfection, we might celebrate this unfolding
spiral of awareness as the birth of something far more profound: an infinite
feedback loop of self-recognition, where the divine becomes more deeply and
truly itself through each turn of conscious reflection. In this spirit I read
the following quote:
God needs me as much as I need him.
Meister Eckhart
I know that without
me,
God cannot live an instant.
Angelus Silesius 1624–1677
FROM SHAME TO EGO-TRANSCENDENCE
When I, as a young man in my early twenties, experienced my first
groundbreaking spiritual awakening, I encountered ecstasy surpassing anything I
had ever known. Yet, after some time, this blissful state gave way to a painful
descent—perhaps what mystics describe as the 'dark night of the soul.' In
this new mirror, illuminated by new awareness, I became painfully conscious of
the inner mental darkness within me.
A pivotal moment in human evolution—and indeed, in the very unfolding of
consciousness itself—occurs when self-reflective awareness first perceives
itself within the human mirror-brain.
However, during this initial awakening of self-consciousness, humanity did not
immediately perceive consciousness in its pure, concentrated form—a state more
profound than even the concept of God. Instead, like Adam and Eve, the initial
realization was not one of boundless, infinite awareness, but rather one of
limitation. They became conscious of their fragility, their separateness, their
inherent vulnerability.
The French existentialist Jean-Paul Sartre famously stated that humans are
'condemned to self-consciousness.' His insight captures the existential burden
of self-evaluation—the relentless awareness of being both actor and audience in
the theater of one’s own existence. Sartre stated: 'Shame is the recognition
of the fact that I am indeed that object which the Other is looking at and
judging.'
In this light, Sartre’s notion of self-consciousness can be seen as a modern
echo of the biblical story of Adam and Eve. Their shame upon realizing their
nakedness symbolizes the moment consciousness became aware of itself—not as an
expansive state, but through the lens of judgment and self-reflection. Their
gaze, once turned outward, suddenly turned inward, but instead of seeing
infinite awareness, it saw limitation.
At its core, shame is the experience of seeing oneself from the outside in. The
birth of looped conscious self-awareness was also the birth of
self-doubt—alongside the shocking realization that 'I exist' is
inseparable from 'One day, I will cease to exist.'
The mirror had turned against the mirror but could not yet see itself
clearly—clouded by the distortions of egoic subjectivity. At first, it was
merely a human seeing its own reflection, not yet a mirror reflecting a mirror,
reflecting a mirror.
This is, in fact, one of the main obstacles for on our human journey as
unfolders of looped consiousness. We cannot bear the sight of ourselves - especially
within the confines of our old ego-reality torn between virtue, shame and sin.
The Birth Pain of Awakening to Oneself
A fitting analogy is Neo's awakening from the illusory
Matrix. The moment of
first encountering a higher level of looped consciousness is a triumphant
revelation but often also accompanied by a deep existential shock. Like Neo, the
one who glimpses beyond the veil of conditioned reality experiences a
disorienting shift, where the world that once felt meaningful now appears
unreal.
Daily conversations with friends and family, once engaging, may suddenly seem
superficial—full of half-truths, unconscious scripts, and small, socially
acceptable lies. The very fabric of one’s previous understanding begins to
unravel, leaving a stark awareness of the disconnect between deeper reality and
the world most people continue to accept unquestioningly.
It is no wonder that Cypher justifies his decision to betray his companions and
re-enter the Matrix, seeking refuge in comfortable illusion:
"You know… I know this steak doesn't exist. I
know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is
juicy and delicious. After nine years… you know what I’ve realized? Ignorance is
bliss."
Self-consciousness, can, at first, be experienced
as a fall—an
unbearable weight of shame and limitation, as Sartre and the Genesis myth both
illustrate. But in Job, we see the next stage: suffering refines
self-consciousness until it becomes a mirror capable of reflecting the divine
itself. This is why Jung sees Job as the necessary forerunner to
Christ—consciousness must endure its own weight before it can become light.
The Dissolution of the Old Self
The awakening of self-consciousness begins as a powerful transformation—an
ecstatic yet painful process. Initially, there is ecstasy, swiftly followed by
the difficult descent into what mystics call "the dark night of the soul." This
experience represents far more than personal struggle; it signals the collapse
of an entire mode of existing.
With the birth of true self-awareness, the rigid structures of the ego gradually
dissolve. The mirror, previously clouded by conditioned thoughts, judgments, and
limitations, begins to clear. The restless, outward-directed mind is gently
guided inward through meditation, creating space for a deeper and truer
reflection to emerge, free from existential distortion.
Through this inward turning, the once obscure mirror is revealed in its pristine
clarity—no longer merely reflecting our external persona, but reflecting
consciousness itself. What began as an uncomfortable confrontation with inner
darkness gradually transforms into liberation, a profound sense of freedom
emerging from saying farewell to Sartre's world and the confines of an old way
of being.
When you close your eyes and ask yourself, Who am I?, the
knowing of not-knowing
intensifies. Hence, the sense of bewilderment arises as the 'I' asking the
question dissolves through the very act of questioning.
Here lies a profound paradox:
The very entity that sees itself trapped in guilt, shame, and the compulsion to
constantly apologize disappears through the act of looking.
The guilt dissolves
together with the guilty.
This process is in the beginning often marked by sudden leaps— later it
progresses in small, almost
imperceptible steps. Yet, as long as they move in the same direction, they
accumulate, shaping an entirely new way of being as the years pass.
As St. Dionysius described it, consciousness—or God—is 'a fountain flowing
into itself.' The self-awareness of looped consciousness is not a static entity but a dynamic, recursive
unfolding—an endless return to the source.
In summary, this shift is not easy, as the human mind
is primarily evolved to focus on the external world through the five senses. Our subjective
conscious 'I' is not
naturally programmed to look at itself, to observe its own inner workings.
Therefore, exploring the depths of consciousness requires utmost sincerity and
vigilance. We must commit ourselves to the task of inward exploration, even when
it is difficult, and when we are met with resistance from our own minds.
There are all too few who are fully ripe
for
gazing in God's magic mirror.
Meister Eckhart
Who Am ‘I’?
We now stand, like a small universe folding into itself, at the threshold of
an endless journey into bewilderment.
Every
step taken deeper reveals yet another veil, another hidden layer—a mystery
behind the mystery. It is as if the very act of
self-inquiry does not resolve questions but instead deepens them, dissolving
certainty into a vast and luminous unknown.
Yet, paradoxically, it is within this very bewilderment that something
extraordinary can occur. When curiosity, so naturally directed outward, turns
inward upon itself, it ignites a self-reflective process that may open the door
to expanded states of consciousness.
As we spiral inward, self-recognition moves beyond concepts and into direct
experience. This is no longer about understanding who we are—it is about
becoming the knowing itself.
The Indian saint Ramana Maharshi urged seekers to pursue the question,
'Who am I?'
Nisargadatta Maharaj pointed to 'I am' as the gateway to realization. Gurdjieff
spoke of 'constant self-remembrance', while Meister Eckhart described this inward
turning as an encounter with the 'Godhead' or the 'primordial gorund'. Though framed in different languages and
traditions, the essence of their teachings converges on the same insight: a
recognition of the consiously looped self as something more fundamental than the personality, more
essential than thought.
In looking for yourself, you dissappear - and so does your understanding
Meister Eckhart suggests that to see God, we must
become blind. This may seem paradoxical, but it points to the fact that the ego
cannot look at itself without spiraling into annihilation.
When we direct our attention inward,
an unknown something observes itself. This activates an infinity function
where
the
solid conscious observer instantly melts into fluidity, so that the one asking,
Who am I?, ceases to exist. We are only our 'I' as long as we look away from
ourselves. Consequently, we vanish each time we try to catch ourselves directly,
and without a subject capable of understanding, understanding becomes
meaningless.
Not knowing is in this sense wisdom as opposed to knowing which creates
knowledge.
When Awareness is directed against itself,
a feeling of not knowing is created.
When Awareness is going out,
knowledge is created.
Nisargadatta Maharaj
Now what happens after such an introspection? Then we, like a rubber
band, snap back to our normal equilibrium of being a solidified 'I'. However, this
new 'I' is
slightly different from the older one that just one second ago tried to get a glimpse of itself. As we know
from quantum physics, we cannot observe anything without changing it. We cannot
even remember something without changing our memory of it. Therefore, the
disappearance of 'I' during introspective self-examination creates a spiraled
transformation, where a new 'I' contineously replaces the old 'I'. The relay of
'Who am I?'
is now in the hands of the next 'I' in the race towards a black hole of
continuous death and rebirth, but on a scale so subtle, that we might not even
recognize it.
How to see God?
To see Him is to be consumed by Him
Ramana Maharshi
In summary, ego cannot look at itself in God's magic mirror,
without spiralling into anihilation. However, pure consciousness in its
looped brain derived essence can do so and even thrive. In the micro ego-death of self enquiry, a
more intense human atma-consciousness is born. The strange and wonderful thing is that as
the not-understanding and dissolution of solidified subjectivity intensifies
during this inner investigation, so does the abstract human consciousness experiencing it.
Through the loophole of increasing curiosity-driven not-knowing, our consciousness expands
in both 'quality' and 'quantity'.
This is what Meditation is all about: to make Atma-consciousness aware of
Brahma-consciousness in an expanding self-referential loop with the potential capacity
to end in a singular state of explosive conscious not-understanding and
disolving.
In this context, the following statement from Meister Eckhart gives 'sense':
In unknowing knowing shall we
know God.
Eckhart rarely uses the the term consciousness.
Among the Western mystics, the singular state of consciousness has been termed
'God'. God is in my view nothing but a projective concept of a rare state of
being within man's own event horizon. God abides in a concentrated form in the
complexity of the human brain as looped consciousnes.
God is greater than God
Meister Eckhart
In the next chapter,
Ouroboros Consciousness,
we will look
closer into what happens to consciousness when it bites in its own tail.
Kind regards!
Gunnar Muhlmann
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