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Meditation
is an open door.

 

So you are always welcome.
At the same time I cannot promise that
I can help or IT can help you through me.

But if your Divine gut-feelings have digested this site, and you still feel well, you are most
welcome to contact me.

And who knows - maybe we will share
a grand spiritual feast together.









 

 

 

Thank you India
This website is dedicated to
India and the Indian people.






Holiday in the Himalayas

ADDRESS:



DENMARK or INDIA

PHONE +45 20 47 46 45
 

Gunnars@mail.com

 

Curriculum Vitae
In time and space

Name:

Gunnar Mühlmann

D. of birth:

7-9-54

Education:

 

1981

Danish literature and
music - Aarhus University 
 

1982-96

Teacher at
Ribe Katedralskole

1996 -

Senior Master at
Espergĉrde Gymnasium

Music

2005

Publication of CD - Delhi

Travels

1989

6 month in India

1994

One year in India

1999

One year in India

Every summer since 89 in India

 

 

Curriculum Vitae                           
Beyond time and space                          

 

In 1975 when I was a young radical student at the University in Aarhus I started to feel a strange attraction to spiritual subjects.

This attraction was not coming from outside influence since we all - friends and study palls - were glowing naive Marxist studying at the University in Aarhus.

But somehow I got hold of a book about Indian masters and meditation.
The book was describing the use of mantras.

Just two weeks before I had been to a lecture about Transcendental Meditation. It was a quite new movement at that time in Denmark.
With my red colored Marxist glasses
I did not like the TM-teachers.


They looked like stringed puppets in their tied up mormone-like business suits covering their recent past lives as hippies. But somehow they still still had an innocent glowing halo around them that felt very attractive.
 
I went home and read in the my philosophical Marxist bible from the DDR that mystics and mystic experience was somehow ok, but organized religions were not ok. The DDR-bible was quoting the Communist Manifesto:

Religion is opium for the people.

(Funny... on this point I still somehow agree with the Marxist view)

THE BLACK HOLE AND THE WHITE LIGHT
So I decided to try meditation out for my self. I invented my own mantra - closed my eyes - started to repeat the mantra and after a very short time I disappeared into some kind of a black hole. I have no clue about how long I was in this hole - I don't know if I was conscious or not - and there was absolutely nothing there or maybe there was - I don't know.
The only thing I remember vividly is coming back from this hole. I opened my eyes into a new world of white light. I started to look at things: a book...
a cup... a guitar and the grey concrete walls in the room: they were all in light! Everything I looked at was penetrated by white light.
Also when I closed my eyes there was light.
  
Everything was felt and seen in intense and crystal clear awareness - and waves of happiness was arising from the chest.
 
I got up and started to walk around in utter amazement. My body was not quite sure how to walk - but somehow it was no problem. Each step I took was a blessing - each breath like a sensual kiss from a beautiful woman. Each second seemed like an expedition into an unknown virgin paradise. It was like waking up from the ordinary waking state into a paradise that I had not imagined possible - not even in my wildest dreams. 
 
This new ecstatic state of being lasted for about one year. In this period I could not  study anything on the University. I did not care any more. I soon stopped talking to others about this experience. My leftwing friends looked at this Gunnar with disbelief when he tried to talk about this nonsense.
There was no-one around to understand or being curious.
 
And so I lived - in two dimensions: in one reality as a university drop out and in another, glorious one - just being busy enjoying the bliss of being alive.

Coming down

One year passed like this in the Garden of Eden.
But now dark and depressive thoughts began to play in my brain. The state the inner joy also somehow seemed to dry out. Instead weird sensations in the body started to pop up. The spine sometimes felt like fire or sometimes it felt like red ants had entered it. Or it felt like the skin was burning with hellish almost unbearable fire. One day I was walking in the street when suddenly it felt like a grenade had exploded in my head and my identity was scattered like body-parts all over the place. I got VERY scared and feared for insanity around the next corner.
 
There was no one to talk to about this.
And when these feelings and thoughts came up, I tried to fight them or suppress them, but it was like a mouse fighting an elephant.
 
TM-TIME
In despair I went to the TM people and today I think that it somehow saved my life.
I can say now that the TM-teachers did not know much about meditation - actually they knew almost nothing. But they had one tremendous important information and I am very grateful for TM and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi for making it possible  to get that little piece of life saving information.  Like everything valuable in life this information was absurdly simple. After getting initiation from the TM-people I told them about my strange experiences. My TM teacher smiled and said:
 
Don't worry! It is just release of tensions in your body. It is a completely natural phenomenon in meditation. Your body is in the process of healing itself... Just relax.

 
I believed what he told me and from that moment on I stopped fighting the strange body-symptoms or weird thoughts. Instead I started to cooperate with them through relaxing into them. Almost from day one a tremendous release happened.
 
I lost my fear.
 
The crazy thoughts almost stopped immediately, but the body symptoms continued to play for many years. But now I even started to enjoy them.
After 10 years of meditation practice they were almost completely gone.
Today they only come up after very deep and long meditations.
 
Back to earth and university
I also began studying again at the University and to my surprise I was much more successful than before the dip in the black hole. For the first time in my life I was able to spontaneously concentrate for hours and hours. It became a joy to study and I started to get top marks.
 
Spiritual feast - west meets east
The first years with TM was great! I got a lot of good friends. A few of them are still fellow travelers. Some of us made a vegetarian restaurant - we coked, dish-washed and meditated together. Actually it was one great party-time!

 
At the age of 25

And as our cosmic center of gravity we all shared and delighted in the devotion of
our mystical and mythical Indian Father, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. It seemed like
Karl Marx in my case had been knocked out by a far more heavy philosopher's stone ha ha.
 
The Wise old Man versus the Father Imago 
But how come that we all had this longing for father figures? Actually I don't think
we were looking out for a Father Imago, a term coined by the outstanding psychologist C. G. Jung. Much more I see this longing to be a revitalization of the arch-type Jung called the Wise old Man. As I have explained elsewhere, spirituality blooms in old age. In almost all archaic societies the elders  - the fathers of the fathers -  had the role as a kind of guardians and custodians, protecting and passing on spiritual knowledge to the young generation. Spiritual initiation of youngsters is not a father-job. Fathers have for thousand of years been busy hunting and gathering - no time for introspection. 
But with the upcoming of the industrial civilization the archetypical function of the Wise Elders have become dormant.
Our initial spiritual longing was bound to revitalize the arch-type the Wise old Man. 
As a newcomer to the spiritual world one often feels like a stumbling baby in an unknown territory. Some of the side-effects of meditation can be pretty scary! And so our old wise Indian Maharishi with the long white bird became our guide and pathfinder in this for westerners virgin land.
    
But the honeymoon would soon be over. Maharishi was also a medieval autocratic figure - he was bound to collide with my western democratic values.
  
Thus spoke the picture on the wall  
As long as the Maharishi was a beautiful picture on the wall or was video-talking about cosmic love and consciousness (as he did wonderfully) there was no problem. Aloof as he was for us, he could as well have died 2000 years ago.
But when he became real I became real too. Some goodhearted blue-eyed TM-teachers suggested the Maharishi that we should create a more democratic structure - at least in the Danish branch of TM - timber started to fall down on our heads. I was there in the TM-headquarters in Aarhus, Denmark when the TM-rebellions were talking in phone with the Maharishi. The conversation was amplified so everyone in the room could hear what showed out to be the voice of an angry old man.
 
GOOD BYE TO TM
Maharishi means Great Seer. It was for me a chock to hear our great wise shaman almost scream in anger in the other end of the line. The Maharishi of the real world did not tolerate any feed back or criticism in his top-down organization.
 
25 years later in India I watched the Maharishi in a TV program. Maharishi was praising the dictatorship of General Musharaf in Pakistan. He furthermore argued that democracy should be replaced by enlightened ruler-ship like it was
practiced in India in the days of the golden age of the Veda's.
   
This was indeed a dilemma. On one hand this archaic ruler had created an outstanding spiritual organization second to none in our culture.
On the other hand his top-down ruling was not well digested by my guts.
   
I started to doubt. And this doubt was colliding with the Bliss I felt from meditation. With inspiration from Descartes the choice these days were between either being a happy cosmic pig or a doubting unsatisfied human being.
It was difficult to leave this crazy honey pot. And it was frightening to stand alone...
    
Monty Maharishi's flying circus
Not long after this incident - somewhere in the late 70s - Maharishi announced that TM would create world peace. To accomplish this goal he had newly developed the so called TM Siddhi-techniques. He claimed that these techniques could make humans levitate. He virtually had armies of scientist to back up this claim. TM is still today branded as the perfect marriage between science and spirituality.
   
This was for me the point of no return. From this incident onwards the TM moment began to fly - not as they promised through physically levitating - but more like good old Ikaros.
 
And in these high flying attempts my grand old mythical father showed out to have one more weakness: he was without grounding... actually a quite charming flaw! I love great dreamers.
  
TM is still today not able to show the world their levitations and still TM-people believe... It is really an interesting phenomenon! It shows that we humans are willing to lie to ourselves in our longing for happiness. But this kind of happiness
is always purchased at  too high a price. It is like borrowing money from the mafia: you have to pay back with heavy interest. 
   
With wings of wax - a world peace mission to the sun
At that time TM was very eager to mass-produce enlightenment. They were in a rush to create world peace.  I am sure that Maharishi's ultimate motives
were and are pure. He really wanted to help the world and I am also sure that somehow he really did - but in a smaller scale than his over-grandiose ambitions would be able to recognize. Maharishi was one of first major "transfer-channels" of eastern knowledge into the west. This achievement is truly great! 
 
But the problem is that it is not possible to mass produce enlightenment and
world peace!  The only very easy thing to mass produce is collective hysteria.
 
At that time I could not have formulated such thoughts, but somehow my stomach sensed that shit was bound to happen. From the skeptical side-line I watched how many of my TM-friends were sucked into this cosmic hype. They went deep into ungrounded and powerful group meditations and not all of them were mentally prepared for that. The power of many is awsome.
  
Before the world-peace hype-party, the TM-teachers in a way were checking if unripe or mentally unstable people actually were ready for a full meditation program. Even though meditation is primarily beneficial for mentally healthy people it often tends to attract people with psychological problems.
It is all natural that you start to search for relief when you have pain.
 
But now in the rush to deliver, a lot of unripe people with problems in the soul were recruited in the TM peace-army. Henry Ford would have loved to see how TM at that time were able to mass produce uniformly smiling people regardless of the quality of the used raw material.  
 
The promised land
It is possible to create a mass-hysterical ecstasy through fighting the devil or the evil. TM did not do that. They had found another way of hyping spiritual energy: By childlike aiming at bringing the moon down to earth.  Yes! The savior is just about to get born around the corner and all of god's children are getting ecstatic in anticipation of their Christmas presents. In this religious connotated anticipation state people with all kind of soul-scars temporarily will be able to forget their problems. But a forgotten problem is a double problem. It will always return with demonic force.
  
But I still cannot help having sympathy for these children believing that it is possible to grab the moon. Now - even today the old Maharishi-child is creating spiritual hype through grandiose plans. 
  
But it is dangerous.
 
In meditation you also need quiet room for suffering alone in order to get al-one.
And if you always are running out of breath in order to fulfill holy missions outside your own self you are endangered.
This story is as old as the crusades - even much older.
  
The tragic murders
One of the workers at our vegetarian restaurant was going through a hard time. He had actually been among the ones to start the restaurant. Let us call him Tim.  He had just been left by his girl friend. She was a beautiful girl with a warm heart. Tim was heartbroken and it was hard for him to forget her since she was still working on the restaurant. 
Tim also suffered from headaches after an accident with a scooter 6 month earlier. At that time he was an ordinary TM-meditator, but as destiny wanted he was now offered an escape route: a divine role as a world peace levitator.
The siddhi-program was the one-way ticket into a paradise without suffering.
He joined it with full enthusiasm and soon forgot all about his broken heart.

A big room with thick mattresses all over the floor was created on top of the restaurant. Here a lot of TM-people were jumping up and down in ecstasy believing that they were actually flying. Tim was among the most highflying bumper-jumpers, but often I felt his staring ecstasy-eyes had an unhealthy shine - and after some month you could sense a latent anger and fear in his eyes as well. Tim did not like me... and my guts did not digest him either. In this position I could not help and nobody else could. All the responsible TM teachers were busy in the world peace hype. They had no interest for trivial matters. But again it is the small things that changes the world. I heard from a friend that Tim had begun to sleep with a loaded gun under his pillow. He had also persistently tried to get his girlfriend back even though she did not want to see him any more. Of the same reason she had stopped working in the restaurant.
   
While this incident took place I had moved to another town to work as a teacher.
One morning on my way to work I was stopped by the headlines of the newspapers...
    
Tim had murdered his former girlfriend and her brother with his gun. They were both good friends...  ...  ...
  
I cannot blame any TM-people directly for this incident. But the manic momentum the organization had at that time was dangerous. Everybody was busy with the moon and no responsible people within the organization had an eye for such small things as caring for ordinary persons trivial love-problems.
 
Tim should never have had the possibility to participate in the high flying
Siddhi-program!
Integral suffering and holding a healing hand of an empathic friend might have helped him through this life crisis.
  
But to tell about suffering is not good for the business... It is not going to help creating grandiose religious momentums. But what you avoid will always haunt you. This is the stuff demons are made of.
    
I too was almost sucked into this hype. But in a dream I was profoundly warned against going in this direction.
Dear reader:  all this is just to tell you that you should always always trust your own self first! As long as there is the slightest feeling of doubt, either you are not ripe or the thing you are about to jump into has hidden agendas.
 
I find that the most beautiful of the Gospels is The Gospel of Thomas. He was called Thomas the doubter. Doubt can be a great gift!
  
The play of perfect folly
Looking back with 2006-eyes it is interesting to see how many times I have done the same mistakes over and over. I will try to mention them as honest as possible all in the following philosophic self biographic pages ha ha. 
 
At the same time I am very grateful for all of these mistakes since they have led into an integral spiral of life-experience.
So - dear reader - in a way I know that I have no holy mission in warning you of possible mistakes on the path. I could rob you of your most precious learning-processes! 
 
I can recommend Kim Ki-Duk's movie Spring, Summer, Autum, Winter and... Spring - This movie shows in the most beautiful way how mistakes can be divine blessings in disguise. 
   
The potential shortcomings of mantra-meditation
Let us go back to the tragic events at that time. I left TM. Many of my friends did too. One of my closest friends had been an intimate friend to both Tim and the two murdered persons. It was a hard blow for him. He started to study philosophy and later became a great philosopher. I concentrated on my job as a teacher in my new home town practicing meditation in solitude. But somehow the meditation-routines had become uninspiring and bliss-less.
  
TM is fundamentally rooted in mantra-meditation. Mantras are pure organic food for the head. And one of their great abilities among many are that they tend to clean out in the endless rubbish of useless daydreaming thoughts that seem to follow us as a life long inner monologue.
  
Take a close critical "look" at your thoughts......
Only 10 percent of them are useful - the rest is bla bla.
  
But no matter how clear your head becomes, it is still rooted in a body. Mantra meditation alone is hardly enough to make spirituality a bodily thing.
It is easy to recognize TM-people or other only head-meditating individuals by their lack of body-awareness. Their bodies tend to be nerdy and a bit life-less.
 
DISCOVERING THE RED COLORS OF LIFE
Here on this site we believe in the magic of the body. Head is also beautiful, but body comes first.
 
The secret multi-dimensional and non-verbal intelligence stored in the body is a Wonder of Wonders!  The birth of this body-knowing came through a voyage into the world of Bhagwan Sree Rajneesh - also called Osho.
  
From head to body through head

The outstanding Indian Guru and Philosopher Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh was for me the first to point at the magic world of the body.
  
A wonderful paradox is that Rajneesh was a man with a brilliant head.
And through his head I started to discover my body. Rajneesh had studied every
western book worth reading and combined it with eastern wisdom. Out of this synthesis his clear enlightened brain had created a rainbow of meditation techniques aiming at hammering at the ambolt of the body.
His bodily grounded meditation techniques were furthermore fertilized with the
groundbreaking psycho-therapeutic techniques that were developed in the west in the 60ties and 70ties as a result of the youth-revolution.
 
This cocktail was able to penetrate human relations in way that ordinary mantra meditation was unable to do. In fact I am here just passing on ideas very close to Rajneesh's own thoughts.
 
One of the most powerful and potent human relations is sex. Through inspiration from the Indian Tantric tradition Rajneesh showed the intimate relation between sexual desire and enlightenment.
 
Sex and Spirituality
But before continuing with Rajneesh I have to tell a funny story about a Guru so opposite to Rajneesh that he somehow came close to Rajneesh -  but in the non-cool way...
 
In the beginning of the 80ties there was a traditional Indian Guru living in Denmark. He had built a successful clone of an Indian Ashram from where he was preaching his teachings - essentially telling that sex was to be entirely avoided in thought, word and action.
 
But how was one to to avoid sex in thoughts if ones Guru was speaking about sex
all the time? This Guru reminds me of a saying from a good old Danish philosopher, Ludvig Holberg, around 1700:

When the Devil is ill, he wants to be a monk

The poor monks in this ashram had to live in complete celibacy and at the same time attend the gurus preaching's about sex in the form of anti-sex. No wonder many of them got fucked up.
The guru was later captured with his pants down his knees in close intimate encounter with some of his female devotees.
 
The fact that this undigested piece of misunderstood traditional old Indian religion could gain such a number of followers was for me a pointer at the great spiritual thirst in our secular society. At the same time it showed the vulnerability of us westerners. As innocent spiritual analphabets we were an easy prey for any trickster with a little eastern spiritual knowledge.
  
A life saving all too sweet caramel
I have to narrate a funny incident that saved the innocent me from this Guru.
I went to his Ashram to participate in a one week meditation-camp. Every morning he was throwing pimpstone at sex and sexual desires. After this passionate, almost sensual sermon he invited the newcomers to a private session. He took particular interest in innocent me. He smiled lovingly and asked many questions. I was very impressed by his words and charisma. I was ready to shun sex as an evil thing. At the end of the session he gave a sweet to me. It was an Indian caramel wrapped in red paper.  And with words as sweet as the caramel he said:

Come again to morrow my dear!

Indian caramels are extremely sweet. They are also very sticky. When I put the caramel into my mouth it so happened that it sticked to one of my back teeth.
The tooth broke and I immediately had to leave the Ashram in search for a dentist. Thus I was saved from being saved... ha ha
 
Body-explosives gets ignited
Rajneesh was also talking about sex - but in the cool way. He was inspired by the ancient Indian Tantra-tradition, overcoming spiritual obstacles like sexual desires or aggression through acceptance and transformation. I read all the books of his I could find, and together with a few friends we attended some of the Rajneesh courses. This was indeed a new world!
  
TM had revealed two absurdly simple, but yet great truths.
First: You should welcome and relax into strange body-sensations.
And second: You should never use effort in meditation.
  
The Rajneesh meditations now presented us with a new gift - the gift  to explore
an almost animalistic body-world without any of the normal restrictions we or our society have put on it.
Rajneesh had designed dynamic meditation techniques where mantric-sounds, deep or chaotic breathing, or hyperventilation allowed the body to go totally bananas. These dynamic catharsis-phases, arousing body-energies by going totally crazy, were abruptly stopped  by contrasting phases of body-control, where you had to stop all movements of the body and just aware your body-self. This second phase allowed the aroused energies of the body to sink into deeper and deeper levels - into the Soul. What an experience...
  
Life is a sexual experience
This is not the place to go further into a description these techniques - it is just to give a little hint of what revelation it was suddenly really to feel being bodily alive and in an alerted state of awareness.
Sex and sexual experiences in the traditional sense was a natural part of these new feelings. Suddenly it felt obvious that the bodily sensation of aliveness in their deepest nature was pure sex!
  
The time in and around  the movement of Rajneesh was relatively short.
I left the boat before it became a sinking Titanic relation-ship.
Oshos-Rajneesh movement had booked the Ikaros Airlines to USA. A fall from
the sky was bound to happen. But that is not my story.
   
MICHAEL BARNETT & THE WILD GEESE
Aauch... This chapter will hurt for some to read and for me to write. Many of my
friends are still hanging around the cosmic artist & divine bandit Michael Barnett...
 
In 1985 the Rajneesh jungle drums had that a man called Michael Barnett had 
reached final Enlightenment. He was on his way to Denmark to make some meditation groups. A lot of us former TMies and at present Rajneesh supporters and hang arounds rushed to attend his meditation-group... and we were not disappointed!
 
What energy! what charisma, whit, intelligence, humor he had and what groundbreaking spiritual experiences we had. WOW! Michael Barnett: a dynamo, a philosopher, a dancer, a clown, a joker, an actor, an improviser... and he somehow managed to  make all these cyclonic qualities dance around a peaceful center.
Here was an actual super-alive and super-empty body! Not mere talked knowledge. This was a perfect anti-dote to the TM-head-spaceness.
  
This Michael Barnett had worked together with the anti-psychiatrist R.D. Lang. They had written the book People - not Psychiatry together.  Michael had a deep practical knowledge about a hole rainbow of modern psycho-therapies. And this knowledge had then been fusioned with the world of Rajneesh. And the result
was as it seemed: a marriage of the heaven and hell taking place inside each of us. Never before I had felt the spiritual light going so deep inside the body. It felt good to be in the body in a way It had never done before. 
  
The two hands of God
And Michael was definitely not denying any aspects of life. He was drinking wine and enjoying good food after the meditation sessions. He was also having girls -
a lot of them. It was party-time! Life began to oscillate between deep silence and celebration.  
Essential for this life celebration-happening to take place was Michaels approach to dark energies - to so called negative energies. In the TM-world there was no room for negative and dark spaces. The result was that these parts of life returned the demonic way to the colgate-smiling TMies while they was busy trying to hold the life-pendulum in the sunny side of life.
But life needs God to create with both his hands: Jesus and the Devil.
   
Don't call it anything - it's just energy 
20 years before Eckhart Tolle introduced the concept of the pain-body Michael had introduced us to what he called the second level meditation. In this meditation your constantly in a neutral mode watch the "energies" in the inner-body. This is what Eckhart Tolle conceptualizes as the pain body.  According to my view Michaels understanding is deeper since he doesn't give any spicy name to this phenomenon. When Tolle calls it pain, I am sure Michael would reply:  

Don't call it anything - it's just energy. 

This created a channel for the dark, muddy subconscious part of life to enter consciousness. Life became full joyful suffering and without the mind making big dramas about suffering as often in the case of people reading about Tolles
pain-body.  The mind love to make stories about pain or no-pain.
But this simple quote from Michael shows what is before the mind:

A master practicing lets life be the way it is. 

Later through my extensive travels in India I came to know that this technique actually has ancient Indian roots. You can read more about this meditation technique or more precisely: life approach here.
 
Groupie addicts
We started to follow Michael on every Energy-group he gave in Denmark and later also, when holidays allowed it, to participate in groups all over Europe.
 

The line of gratitude and respect
I am deeply indebted to Michael Barnett, former Somendra: chief therapist under the early Osho Rajneesh-times. He is likewise in dept to Osho, Rajneesh.
But I never heard him express gratitude from his heart towards his former mentor. Strange how history repeats itself. A lot of people came through Michaels Barnett's spiritual influence and guidance, but never afterwards showed gratitude or mentioned him as their mentor. I often heard him complain about this fact.
But it seems that what you cannot give yourself you will not receive.
Now  people are learning from "my" body. I already now see that they will not pay me respect for that what "I" teach them. They will forget me as soon as possible. But I am grateful for that. I don't expect anyone to feel indebted to me.  
Because I don't own any spiritual teachings. It is owned by everybody.
So that is why I on the index site invite you to grab anything from here as you like. Be my guest!


 

  
 


 


To be continued....


 

M