What is Meditation

Divine Inspirators

Web Meditation

Music 4 Peace

is pure magic!
At least this is the only way I can express what
has happened in the case of Dahlia.
She started coming to the meditation happenings
in the beginning of March 05. She was new in meditation and did not know much about it.
She refused to read about it.
No books - no headucation... She got no verbal instructions in meditation from me. She decided only to listen to what would happen in her own
Body and Soul and follow that. What has happened since March 05 is a Divine Miracle - nothing less. She has the courage just to follow one thing: surrender:  And this makes all words and theories from outside utterly unimportant. She has got and gets all knowledge from within. She has become her own Truth and in this sense she is a light on the path of Lions. And out of the blue she has become a most powerful healer.
I know she will hate this...
But I have to say: She is the Boss!

Please note that there are as many inward
journeys as there are human beings.
Don't compare your journey with Dahlias!


Dahlia Salem Larsen


The feminine
element of cosmic fire


SMS from Dahlia:

So clear it is in this now
to this body...
My body feel me..
it has right this minute
received from me the
knowledge of feeling,
that makes it possible
for it to see, feel and
know... That I am not it!
And then... who am I?
I am you... I am/you are
the very essence of every
living being... such a simple
feeling... Yet so hard for this
as every body to attain... I see
through the mirror of this body.
Right this now...

06-03-8 - 18:22

Cosmic Journal

20. March 8. March 7. March 25.Februar 23. February
15. February 7. February 6. February 4. February 1. February

Journal of this past week
7th - 12th of February 06





The story of this past week, contains only words of victory after victory in the celebration of love and life. Energy took a turn. To put it short, energy kicked me off my feet.

And what turned out to be an end to the road of chest pains as a sign to let go, turned out to become something different – and yet exactly the same. My body's work in letting go, turned out to take me to the point, where I now regularly, and as of today once a day, go into a trance. What happens exactly is that my body is turned off like an electrical device, and all that remains functioning is my lungs and my heart. As the body goes down, the lungs also lower their function. Deep breaths are unnecessary – uses too much power for a body being out of function. Instead lungs deliver minimum capacity. That is what it feels like. The rest of the body is without power and it is not possible for me to lift a finger or wiggle a toe until God has finished his conversation with me. At first it took me many hours to return to full body functionality, but the last three days have taught my body to kick back hard and get back on my feet as soon as me, as consciousness, has returned. Oh what a joy.

Trance and expanded consciousness
I discovered the state of trance already before I was kicked off my feet. During sleep a week before this. But every day my body gets more and I get better and better at going down there. Down through the door to nothingness. For every trance I get, more and more healing energy is poured into my body and I come out feeling exactly the same… but a little stronger yet.

I see now, that the reason my body didn’t want to sleep at night, before this period, was because it would rather stay awake than surrender to, what it could not escape – which has happened during these last 7 days. The part of letting entirely go of all body-energy, in order to come as close as possible to the bottom of the whole of nothingness, with out letting the body go entirely… All of this in order for me to discover the state of consciousness not sleeping and not being awake – being out of this world, but being aware.  

All of my life I have fallen into the hole, and right through the door to sleep, as most people. Only been aware of the three states – awake, on the way to sleep and being asleep. But as of now my consciousness have expanded to become aware of the possibility to pass the door of sleep. And go further down into the hole of nothingness.

The sense of falling one sometimes get right before falling asleep, is falling into this same hole. Through the trances I am getting more and more aware of how to move myself past the door of sleep and go deeper and deeper down the hole of Nothingness. The place to be, which I never had an idea was there. I don’t loose myself going there, I just have no idea of time and have no thoughts. Am just awareness. The body closes down to minimum functionality as earlier described, which it doesn’t do while sleeping.

The feeling of carrying the energy
When I’m in between trances now, it still feels very much the same being me. Except from the fact that I have a silent humming noice, like a generator buzzing, inside my body. All that feels different is the feeling of this energy as a silent and soft motion - A curve with movements ever so soft and light, that you have to look closely to become aware that the motion exists.

Right now have a little pain in my left arm from the trance of yesterday where God turned up full volume on this arm, which turned into unbearable pain. Felt like the pain in the stomach, when I gave birth to my son. The pain was not accompanied by nor contractions or a baby… I am fairly sure… I actually made Gunnar check, ha ha ha.

I also now know why I got this pain. I had expectations to where the trance would take me, that made me go down again after a journey returned safely – I knew not it was over.

Going down there by own self made will, had the result of the pain unbearable. I was not able to let go of this, until I let go of the thought of, what was going to happen. And this took several hours.

The pain in the arm exists now because such high cosmic voltage was sent through my arm. Gunnar told me he had felt my arm as a total power plant.

I now know, that I can never go down there by own will, only when I am summoned. Because the body is not ready to take in more energy before integrating the last planted.  

Journal of this past week

7th of February – Going down…
This day I went through a period, where the part of letting go felt different. 
My entire body got so heavy that I had to lie down. Felt like my arm weighed a ton alone. My fingers started to sleep. Before long both of the arms. Did I try to move it, electricity shot up and down the area which was sleeping… characteristic stinging like a thousand bees. The chest pain that normally was a sign to let go, moved to the stomach. Further down to my uterus. My body was crying and moaning. Then all of a sudden gone. Every sign – in mere seconds the sleeping of the arms were gone too. Laughing in relief, I ate some food. The entire body felt like a power plant. Especially and mostly both of the arms.

I had a break… And mistakenly thought that this time, I had hit some kind of climax, which I kind of had. Until 20 minutes later when everything was back. Ha ha ha. Pains included… but somehow different. Felt like my body had to learn the lesson of not moving by which action to take or not to take to be in pain. As though pain was used as a tool for God to manipulate my body to do the right thing. 

From this day my body started to sleep at night again. This night for 5 hours.

8th of February – desires turning the way of Gods will
New rhythm of the body. New rules. This day I couldn’t use my muscles without them hurting. If I was lying still there was no pain. Body was learning to let go the hard way. If I moved the body energy forced fire to the area I just spent energy from. Filling me up once again, for the energy to do its job. 

Every usage of energy. Even talking demanded so much. When I relaxed the body, it stopped breathing several times that day. As if the body was practicing the part of letting go of everything but lungs and heart, but failed a couple of times before learning to do the job. When my breath started again, it felt very uncomfortable. I felt no hunger or thirst. But still did both by own will, when given a short period of extra power. Energy forced me to spend my entire day lying on the back. It felt like energy was running right below the skin and that pressure added to any one spot on the body made the free flow stop at that spot, to cause pain.

Then it came to that control of the energy in the body was restricted – as I was not able to do the things that before caused me pain, so in trying, to do the things that before had caused me pain, I just failed.

At this day energy often got so high that being felt very uncomfortable in the body. I automatically seeked to escape the body. At first my escape was into music or outer skin where, I asked for someone to touch me, but more and more I started going under – and into the hole. At first I often ended up behind the sleeping door. But some of the times I passed the door to dreamland. At this time I became aware of the place of expanded consciousness. I also discovered, that while being there the body receives maximum healing from Gods energy.

I started using this hole as a fire escape door, when energy got to high in the body. The body acted like it was sleeping, but many of the times during being there, I was very much aware of what was going on around my body. No thoughts of any kind but registering the music somewhere far away and so on. My brain went out several times this day. People could talk to me and all of a sudden I could have left the building. Exit through the door.

This day I escaped 7-8 times into the hole - 3-4 of them I actually went through the door of sleep. The rest of them I passed sleep and went directly to awareness in nothing. My body was learning to master being in this state of expanded consciousness. Of course I had no idea that it was what I were doing. But now I see, it was.

My body only allowed me to walk around two times ten minutes that day. The rest of the time I was either breathing freely down the fire escape or at full consciousness, just staying in a body which couldn't be moved. No will… None at all.

9th of February – heavy on my heart…
It now felt like the body had learned not to feel like doing anything that caused pain. I could do things that didn’t require much energy, but my body didn’t feel like it. The day before was a day of the body’s learning to turn its desires into the path of Gods will with this.

This day offered me a lot of pain. It felt like the body went into hibernation. This could happen any time no matter who was around me if they were in the middle of- or if I were in the middle of a sentence. When I came out the pain was still higher. The body used 2-3 hours to get used to the new level of pain and then out I went again. 

My body started to feel like it weighed 400 kilos. Combined with the pain, it made it more and more difficult for me to take care of my own body’s needs. I didn’t feel like being present, but turned instead consciousness inwards regularly and when possible. Already in the afternoon I wished to leave the body, fall into the hole of unconsciousness and not return until the body was less painful – but I could not choose this option. There were no breaks just more and more pain. The border between being in and out of the hole became fluid. As evening came I drifted in and out of consciousness.

The time came to ask baba Gunnar for help. Gunnar was out of the country, I had total contact with him over the phone and especially by heart and body through the mentioned period of time. When time came, where I no longer could hold the phone, time had come to ask baba Gunnar for help. He immediately responded and returned to Denmark to let the force of his body help me out of this spiral my body was stuck in.

At 10 pm Gunnar arrived. When Gunnar walked in, the most amazing thing happened. It had become hard to be in the room, but the force in Gunnar walked right up to me and told the force in me, to let go and give me a break. As it happened. Gunnar said he had felt me literally, since this kicked off. He told me afterwards that he had no idea what would come out his mouth. He left the room. When he walked back upstairs, we both started laughing. And we laughed our asses off. Man it was good.

God had made the transfer of information from Gunnar's body to mine, which taught my body instantly to let go. Instantly removed all of the pain. Only left was the incoming numbness. I was up and about again. I had a break – and a Kitkat! Ha ha ha.

I see now that the pain of this day emerged because I tried using the state of not being here as a way to escape the pain my body already had. So every chance I got, I dived into the hole by self made will. For every time I returned God had turned up the energy. And the pain. As I discovered I can only move into this hole when being summond. Otherwise the healing will be too strong and cause me pain.

10th of February – From passivity to activity…
From Friday my body started turning from the state of total normality to the opposite of total hibernation. It happened kind of suddenly from one moment to the next with only 30 seconds of notice. At one time my body turned off while I was walking up the stairs to my living room. When hibernation occurred I was totally present and aware. Looking out through the eyes, but without any control to move an inch. I was in this state for 30-50 minutes at the time. 

After a turn of hibernation, Gunnar and I decided to head for his home. We decided to take the train – which came to be the most funny, hardest and most impossible trip I ever took with a train. Everything went wrong. My body went down two times during the trip. We had a hilarious time of him carrying me through the train station and everything. Wonderful. My body learned on this trip that will power could somehow effect the returning from the hibernation state. Valuable lesson that I came to explore later on. I didn’t go into the hole during this period – only the body went down. My body had in cooperation with me, to fight its way onto its feet.

During the times I went up and down again on that Friday, my body became more and more strong at the part of pulling itself back onto its feet. Willpower had everything to do with it.

At one time after a trance, I could stand no more to lie waiting to move. I wanted to go turn up the music, because this music had great energy that made me wish to dance. I went from close to total numbness to dancing and screaming “YES!!!” in 7-8 minutes. I can now activate my body even quicker. This incident gave the feeling of total and merciful victory which started a lavine of tears while dancing.

Joy of life, love and dancing.

11th of February – Way to will 
Saturday offered me the beginning (if there are any beginnings or ends to be mentioned at all) to the end of this round of battling with the beast… ha ha ha….  

I started the Day with getting to total heavy feeling in all of body. It was like numbness in every muscle, making it hard to move… but not hard enough, I was to discover. I was on my back for 4 hours after going into the hole the first time that day. When I finally had fought my way back on my feet, The first thing I had to do was feel out the hearts of my friends surrounding me.

After that we went for a walk on the beach. It was so lovely. I felt the oceans sounds could pull me back into the state of total surrender. Had to move quickly there as my body once again laid the groundwork to start letting go. Luckily my friend Thomas has muscles worth mentioning as my body went wobbly 5-10 minutes before we arrived at Gunnar's house again. They practically carried me the last 40 meters to the house. Again – body numb – but again not totally. All I could do was to let go.

The rest of the day offered again my moving closer and closer  - my body learning to restore itself by down period after down period.

What happened before was me learning to dive into the hole. After that my body had to learn to return from total numbness – and in the end, these abilities were combined. I had to learn to go into the hole and to come back and be able to function immediately in this body.

12th of February – Hitting ground zero
This day started with a near death experience that fucked my mind up. No fear of death had crossed my mind, but the thought of death had been there. Just no fear. Somehow I knew that if it was to happen, I would return in this very same body. This knowledge came from the trust in God. That if I keep my end of the bargain and surrender to him totally, he will let me satisfy my own need to finish off this feeling of need to help others. For this need is still unsatisfied. 

The trance I had right after waking up that morning showed me into his garden – I hit ground cero. I took only 2-3 steps, but was pulled back into this body, with the motion of swallowing. After the trance I had pain in the neck and shoulders. Shortly after in the chest and the throat. I were up for 30 minutes, then I was pulled back into trance.

The numbness was getting more and more massive. The end of this period of being nailed to the ground happened later this day. During the time up to this climax, there was like a countdown – I could feel my body's energy getting less and less restored in between the trances – but instead getting a little bit weaker for every time. I had 4-5 trances that day – they became shorter and shorter and were coming closer and closer to each other.

I see now that every time I had a trance I went deeper and deeper into the hole. The body closed down further and further, and I got closer and closer to ground cero. The experience of hitting ground cero happened like this:

From the evening before I had the desire to eat lamb. This afternoon I finally got it. When I was to start eating my body was totally without energy. All functioning was my eyes and mouth. My body was placed well by my loving friends. I could still talk and move my eyes. No pain was involved anymore. It was pure bodywork. As I ate I felt my throat getting number, at last my tongue and in the end my eyes were closing.

And there I was. Behind closed shuts. Body out of order. At first I stayed in the body. Felt it. Felt that nothing but lungs and heart was functional. But registered my lungs where lowering my breath into short breaths getting further and further apart. I started to go deep and fell through the sleeping door. The walking through this wrong door set off the reaction of a electrical body movement in my foot. Became aware of my body again. As the body wasn’t able to move and send out this energy burst it fired off from my foot and all the way to my head – like the body I feel and normally can control, was nothing but an electrical field – I felt very vividly that this shoot-out under normal circumstances would have caused my foot to move and send out the energy through motion. I went deep again. Again passed through the wrong door. A dream started appearing that I was to push something away from me, but again, the only thing reacting was energy. No body movement. But at this time I hit out and could in my dream actually see my hands in front of me, but at that time I returned to awareness and the thought was oh no I cant do that, but at the same time I saw my own hands up in front of me. I was aware. And saw my hands not as hands, but as the same light I see when healing people. Jumping out of the telling, I have to mention, that when I close my eyes during a healing I see a total road-map over the energy of the body I am healing. Before I sometimes doubted that what I saw is really what it is, but I followed it anyway. But now… I am sure.

Back to the telling. I was there. Looking at my hands shaped as hands but visionally looking like light. I quickly let go of the thought that I couldn’t do this – I WAS doing this. I moved them from side to side. I moved them into the mattress I was lying on and pushed my body up. I got up – but the physical body was still lying there. I stood up – standing in my own stomach. I could see my friends surrounding me – again not with eyes but with this vision. Seeing energy. From that point on I was moving quickly back to the body. Have no memory of crawling back into the body. But when I returned to behind the eyelids – I felt my body again. Totally numb… But again will made me move my fingers on one hand. And another. And I started to heal my own body back to life. Amazing to feel the energy – the life and love pass from my hand and into every muscle as I moved my hands from place to place. I returned safely.

After this there was a lot of hugging, major love and I very quickly regained all of my strength. Within the hour I danced and laughed and we ended up having a great night with movie and snacks.

I must say, that even though going to sleep this night involved a “Gulp, I wonder what it will be like to wake up tomorrow”… once again I must confess… It feels like nothing ever happened… Just another nice weekend at Gunnars, Ha ha ha…

Back in the streets…
Again I must bow my head in total respect of the creation of Gods called the human body. 

I have to thank with all of my heart my main man Gunnar help in carrying me through these days. Literally at the train station, Hellerup in Denmark, as well as emotionally. Love for the heart of this man as well of the rest of my great and loving backup team: My boyfriend Morten, My sister and brothers of heart: Nadége, Jesper and Thomas. And the greatest of appreciation for God giving my body such a wonderful Mother, Judy, Thank you all for trusting the life in me blindly and respecting my wishes. The biggest of respect to them all.

I fear not the day of tomorrow, I fear nothing, and would and will accept and kiss welcome any pain God causes this body, in order to get the job done. When the brain is thinking, my body finds comfort in the fact, that when this is all over, I will have so much more to offer to the world.

Hope I get to heal you soon…

Love to you all…


Email: postmaster@dahlia.dk



6th of February 06

Dahlia Salem Larsen
at a costume party
 New Years Eve 06


Pardon me for being unknowing... Ha ha ha ha....but I finally start being aware of what is happening. As no body is to tell me or teach me this, I will myself get this knowledge from inside – from experience and intuition.


Yesterday in the evening ... starting with major energy build-ups in the body which had the immediate response to let go of something. What happened when I tried was that I fell asleep. The body was lacking the physical energy... I slept.. Woke up during the night, felt heat, went back to sleep. When I woke up, it continued... turned in to the now well known chest pains. I had to cancel all of the days appointments, to give in.... I did... It took me about an hour of letting go... then It was gone....


Now less than 8 hours later, I got the chest-pains back. I went upstairs... The body let go immediately when I lied down. The result: I was at consciousness, but so close to the edge of sleep, that the body acted like it was sleeping. The mouth made the characteristic sleeping sound, the body was in total hibernation. Amazing to experience. Being awake and sleeping at the same time.

My awareness moved to the bottom of my body and I could actually see my own body from the feet up. As though my sight followed the attention. Totally amazing...

As I started this mail... I am getting aware of what is happening. I see a pattern. A pattern of these chest pains moving closer and closer to each other.
I observe that my body has become excellent at letting go.

The part of letting go

I feel very vividly, when its time for my body to let go of something. I get the already mentioned chest pains. These pains can not be described to a person who haven't had them. With other than the words "The need to let go"... 

The process starts with the body receiving energy. Heat arises in the body. The following period is the integrating of this higher energy in the body. When the energy is integrated, the heat is not felt as much. The chest pains appear – the need to let go. Following that need is the desire to let go. And at the end, the action of letting go: I relax every muscle. The energy roars through my body as a wave throwing itself on shore. And it disappears. The chest pains are very physical pains. Like the chest is carrying a heavy load. And up till now the process of letting go can take from 30-50 minutes.

Coming home – the birth

The last couple of days, weeks, months… years… has led up to this. I see now.  Before today there had become 24 hours between the body’s need to let go. Today… 8 hours. Something is moving closer, and I have a feeling what it is. This feels like some kind of birth…


Feels like this birth started with the kiss of God in the body, which was the body’s receiving and total coverage of the blue light. Read the previous written description. What happened was the total equality of the heart – I received the love from God – learned to love myself and see my self as I see everybody else. As a body in need of love. It has now been 3 days since this experience of coming to feel God and not just energy all the time. Feels like a warm and strong arm around me – a total warm hug of the entire body. I see now, this was not a birth – but the beginning of one.

As of now… there are 8 hours, between the contractions. Mother earth turns her body pushing me out in pain… The body of me is passing the birth-canal… And like the child’s lungs are preparing to change from living without air to receiving the first breath, so my body becomes more and more ready for receiving the first breath of pure light.… letting go through pain after pain. Without knowing at all I have a feeling that this will come to a climax within a short period of time. The periods of time, between this body’s need to let go, will become shorter and shorter. Until all there’s left is pain after pain and the final action of letting it all go for the last time.


As I experience that what is happening with this letting go, is the energy becoming stronger and stronger in my body, leaving less and less space for the dark and earthbound animal, this body was born as, I believe the result will be nothing but light. I feel this because my intuition tells me that the chest pains will not stop until the energy-body has claimed all of its place in this body. Has been through the process of turning this body’s foundation for being into universal air – light.


When did the chest pains begin? Time is not my strong side anymore, ha ha ha, but I remember I was still in my old job at an accounting firm. I stopped there in September 2005. I think it started about a month prior to that. Started as a painful sensation of energy right in solar plexus. Its now February 2006.


Feels like life until now has been a life spent in the wound of mother earth. No chance of escaping the dark of the wound, until the body is ready for being (re)-born. Birth followed by rebirth – birth on earth followed by birth of reality. Have been in the wound of mother earth for 26 years. I see the result of this birth will be me, still present on this earth, but no longer imprisoned by it. I see my mother and father. I will come to feel my mother and father with my entire body.


I was right. It is moving closer. At 6 pm last night… approximately I wrote about the experience of my body sleeping but my conscience still being a part of this world. At 10:30 pm… The chest pains where back. Again body seeking shelter. Lying on the back, arms and legs spread out. Receiving tons of energy… ending up with the body falling asleep. Letting go.


I slept until an hour and a half ago. Woke up at 3 am. 4 hours later. Body on fire. Moaning, sighing in pain and agony of the heat. Now, an hour and a half later, chest pains are back, but the body not so much on fire – as if the energy has become integrated during the period of an hour and a half. Time is of no importance, only writing this to share it with you. Feels like… no time at all. Only as now after now after now.


Getting my computer, I saw my body in the mirror. What did I see? Not the body and definitely not any kind of person, only my body temple on constant fire. Like I am seeing with my feelings and not my eyes. Of course I register the body in the mirror, but it seems extraordinarily secondary.


Not much more to tell right now. Will again lie down and feel my body’s energy work...

I am not afraid - exactly as the last time I was a part of a birth - giving it to the body of my son... No worries... Only now...

The body totally takes over. No fear at all. Just being with what is. I expect nothing and accept everything...


To be continued... Ha ha ha...


St. Theresa enjoying delicate bliss-pain




Coming home
4th of February 06


Energy rising. Energy higher than the body can take without being affected obviously. Instinct to seek shelter. A place to give in. Laying the body on its backside, arms and legs spread out from the centre of the body. The body moaning and shaking, sighing.

Feels like energy is rising. A blue non-static circle of light seem to appear right above the area of the mouth. No sharp edges of the circle, but a flowing edge – like the circle is breathing and glowing. Pure white light shining like a frame from the edges of the blue circle.  

Looking into the light. Pain but attraction. Feels right to give in to this power of light. The thought arises, “Why all this waiting, take me home now” and the words “take me home” repeatedly arising again and again in the mind.

The blue circle starts to grow with the breathing out. Subtracts a little for every time breath is pulled in. But still growing bigger and bigger with each breath. Feels like its growing as a circle which covers more and more of the body.

Attention follows the boundaries of the blue light. Feeling and seeing with inner sight at first head totally covered with blue light, then attention shifts to arms, again following with every breathing in its growing farther and farther out to cover both arms… A perfectly round blue circle of light. Reaching from one hand to the other.

Moving attention to the rest of the body. The circle… A perfectly round shape with expanding edges… covers down to the middle of the legs at the state where it covers the arms.. The circle grows to cover the legs too.

The attention does nothing but observe. No will of any kind as to where the attention moves and no shifting the attention back and forth. When blue light covers the whole body, it starts moving under the body reaching itself on the back of arms, knees, ankles, backside. Feels like the whole body is being embraced in one big warm hug.

When the blue light covers the whole body, the relief of coming home and into the big warm arms of God, starts a lavine of tears. Shaking the whole body, crying from relief. Existence in the body now feels like one big hug. Such relief. Such freedom. Such love.

When gotten comfortable in the arms of God, the body starts laughing. This feels great. To be home. Feels exactly like home - even though the mind has no memory of being there. Everything feels right.

12 hours later. Feel the hug right under the skin. Covering the whole body. No more fear… only feelings of total safety and comfort, joy and love. Knowledge that there is nothing to be said about being here. Just am with what is.

Feels like there is not any room for the dark inside the body. Like God takes up so much space in the body, that there’s no room for the negative things of being in this world – no room for mind made thoughts of wrong and right… There is only oneness. Only God. Only good.

Born again. Felt like light covered the body, but maybe body was drawn into light instead. Out of mothers wound and into daddy's arms. Rebirth. No more darkness. Feels like life until now has been a life spent in the wound of mother earth. No chance of escaping the dark of the wound, until the body is ready for being (re)-born. Birth followed by rebirth – birth on earth followed by birth of reality. Have been in the wound of mother earth for 26 years. Now… out in the light, covered by the arms of God. Still present on this earth, but no longer imprisoned by it. I see my mother and father. I feel my mother and father. The earth under my feet – and the sun in my body.

Feel like taking everyone with me into the arms of God. Feels like I can. Feels like I can pull any body into the arms of God with me, and them into the open space to feel… to take a deep breath of freedom… until their bodies are ready to be born too. Every touch of another human being is healing and pulling the receiving body a little bit into to the light. Kind of makes healing as a treatment unnecessary. But still opens for the love-therapy to be just right and a chance for any body to receive as much of Gods hug, that my body can offer in this world. No restrictions. My whole body is offered to any body to pass on this gift of love and freedom.

Have no fear of going back. Feels like there’s no turning back – that a birth is a birth is a birth. The moving closer… closer.. and then a little farther away, affected by surroundings, people, situations… All of which has been characteristic for the past, is no longer an issue. There’s is no crawling back into the wound.

Light is light is light.

I feel… this body can contain any desire – act out any action, without the light ever changing… Because there is no doing right or doing wrong, being right or being wrong. This only exists if the body has a goal of being or acting in a specific way, according to that body’s belief of what is right and wrong.

Hasn’t for a long time had the need to sit down and meditate. When the need was there it was to attain a specific state of mind and body. Meditation is no longer a tool. But even though I feel his embrace at all times, to sit down and close my eyes now, feels like a simple way of being with the father of everything. And just him. As a way to enjoy Gods company so much in silence and pure feeling and as a celebration of life.



1th of February 06


Dear Gunnar

Here I am, sitting again at this our of the day. I just woke up after no more than 1 hour of sleep. its 20 past 12 am.

I found myself hovering between consciousness and unconsciousness for 30 minutes before I woke up. Getting waves of energy send through my body.

It feels not like the kundalini shot, and then again it does - it feels like the exact same and only energy, only this time, much stronger and more powerful running through a body much more soft and receivable. I feel the difference now in the feeling, that the waves of energy are not, by my body, constrained into short repeated movements resembling shaking. But instead energy passing through the body which carries out one motion after another. As waves of energy softly carried throughout the entire body, like waves in the ocean throwing themselves to shore.

The day leading up to this has not been bad. My body spent a lot of energy through healing people for 6 hours. As I have told you I feel the need for SOMETHING during the day between healings. My heart works like a sportsman through my healing, but my muscles don't... So it cant be the answer to eat more, as i have done, because the food will only bring more energy to my body's muscles, which are not the ones being used. And will in time only cause my body to gain unnecessary weight... (I gained 1,5 kg - I think, this past week)

But I start sensing, that what the body needs through the day is not more food... But rest?! And I sense that maybe the desire for something, is not coming from my entire body as much as from my heart?!

.. I feel a smaller and smaller need for sleep - maybe my body will only have the need for short periods of rest in the future, as a cause of all the energy becoming a part of my body.

... I have this last week, maybe mistakenly, eaten more to cover for the need for energy, that I feel as a result of pouring love out of my heart for several hours a day in healing others.

... I feel a yet undiscovered truth in that need I feel between healings... That it has something to do with myself and my heart, and with giving myself the love to make my body able to pass this on to the loved ones I heal.

My body needs love as well as every body else. But food is not love. So maybe the answer is in giving myself time between healings to give my heart attention, instead of having one healing after another?..... This feels kind of right. Also seen from the fact that I sit here right now. When I am just me, not healing people, my energy does not dive...

I treat my body well. But maybe in this sense not well enough. I give out a lot of love and I have never and can never heal a body without feeling the desire to... But maybe my body needs more time to let God pass the love into me right now, in order for me not to feel that gap? This feels like a solution. I feel it is right, to see to that I have 30 minutes or so between healings... To give myself love.

I just stopped writing, closed my eyes and felt the whole body... every inch is filled with a close to disastrous high energy. feels like it could turn into shaking if I don't move softly with it. and that almost happened as i turned closer and closer to consciousness when I woke up before... did I stay in the bed the body would get thrown around like a piece of cloth... Because I DID return from the hovering state between asleep and awake.

oh, back to my undiscovered truths :o)... I can tell you what did appear in me about this reaction from my heart... several times through this last week. Its just a feeling that as of now has grown to a thought. I feel that at some point my heart will stop tiring me out, as it gets used to pouring out more and more love/energy during healing -  at least when I reach a point where my heart cannot open anymore... (maybe at the end of this process I am going through these days?)

I have noticed that when you and I join energy, my body reacts as it has had a shot of love higher, than what I experience otherwise through healing... I have no doubt that healing IS love, and that the love I feel in my heart for you, is the exact same thing making my heart pound through healing others. I think that the answer with giving myself more rest between healings is necessary now, but not necessarily will keep on being necessary. I feel that my heart carries a lot of weight right now, when I heal (maybe as a result of the speed in which this process is taking place in me), and that the pounding is a result of my heart working towards being entirely open. That in fact the pounding IS healing... That kind of explains the very strong reaction I get from hugging you. That we heal each other through this love we share while being together.

As I believe all I experience are connected somehow, I thereby can not isolate the action of my heart pounding from what I otherwise experience, in the terms of my personality dissolving.

There is no doubt in me, that what I am experiencing right now is there, because the part of my personality carrying the personal relationships to other human beings, is getting thrown out of my system. I see this because I have noticed a difference in the actions my body feels like carrying out through the healing of strangers and the healing of people i have had and has a personal relationship with.

My body has reached a point, where I feel like my relatives are "just" humans. A consciousness with a body... and that is exactly the feeling that follows my body through healing, no matter who I heal. BUT I see a difference in the action my body feels like doing through the healing of people I have a relationship with.

While my body, with no compromise and in the greatest feeling of love, makes me feel like and actually carry out the action of pulling strangers to the floor in attacking and healing their hearts with the energy of love (with no regard to their personal boundaries what so ever), my body feels not the same desire to carry out this action with the people my body still carries personal relations for... and this even though it feels absolutely as the primary and most right thing to do. This feels so right to do, and now that I have followed that desire, my experience is, that the personal boundaries can very easily be broken, and the inner child be reached... simply with this energy/love pouring out through my heart.

I have, with my consciousness, reached the point of the greatest respect and love for every body I lay my hands on as well as meet on my way. No matter the belief or disbelief of the mind following that body... And although my body can carry and express the great love for the people I have relations with, an even greater love is expressed through my heart for the people my body doesn't constrain itself for. I think my body still has to learn this.

I have in higher and higher sense and sensibility dissolved the layers of love I have felt for my fellow humans. Now I experience that I can pass on the greatest love for the people I have no personal relationship to. This means and just made me aware of the connection between my hearts pounding, the dissolving of my personal relations and the opening of my heart.

I see now, that the reason my heart is pounding is because when I heal people - God heals my heart. When I hug you - God heals my heart.

What I have thought off as work being carried out by my heart (as in the belief as the heart as a muscle), is in fact my heart getting healed and opened by love. The true and un-personal love, I can express with strangers as well as with you, will in time and with what is going on these days come to exclude my personal feelings for the people I know. What I experience this very now, tonight, the waves of energy, and has experienced this last week (the feelings of grief, loneliness in love and so on...) Is in reality as well as my hearts pounding work from my body to attain the exact same thing. My heart must open entirely... My body must let go off the personal feelings... Only then will everybody be equal in my heart.

Not one single day without the learning process of my body taking me a very noticeable step. I release my breath in deep respect for Gods plans with this body, and look forward to every single moment of the rest of my life.

Hope your sleeping tight and already my fellow traveler...

I had an experience the other day, which had an effect on me, that yet hasn't worn off. To feel this reality makes me unable to forget...

I saw myself more deeply, than I ever have - I saw reality... I realize, that hadn't I stopped my constant thinking, I would not have come to see this reality. I experienced for real what I really am - I have no ego, I am no personality - I experienced myself as my attention. Attention which has come to live in a body. A body which is really only as much alive and animal as my cat. But my presence combined with my consciousness makes me different than my cat. I see that what is looking out through my eyes is really me... that the body I live in, is a gift, only given for a purpose. And a purpose other than living for myself - for that be no purpose.

I stripped naked and saw my body not as me, but as a piece of equipment, for the first time. I stared in wonderment. Turned my hands, looked at my legs and feat in full amazement over this piece of craftsmanship. A body, with millions of years of intelligence, able to heal itself, able to make my consciousness aware of lacks and flaws, as for example lack of food, water and so on. I realized that all I have to do is listen carefully. Listen to the signs - that will make this body last to fulfill my every purpose for being in it.

To feel the truth in these words... means that it no longer has any meaning for me to act anyhow different or to give to my body anything other than what it needs to function optimally.