The story of this past week, contains only words of victory after
victory in the celebration of love and life. Energy took a turn. To
put it short, energy kicked me off my feet.
And what turned out to be an end to the road of chest pains as a
sign to let go, turned out to become something different – and yet
exactly the same. My body's work in letting go, turned out to take
me to the point, where I now regularly, and as of today once a day,
go into a trance. What happens exactly is that my body is turned off
like an electrical device, and all that remains functioning is my
lungs and my heart. As
the body goes down, the lungs also lower their function. Deep
breaths are unnecessary – uses too much power for a body being out
of function. Instead lungs deliver minimum capacity. That is what it
feels like. The rest of the body is without power and it is not
possible for me to lift a finger or wiggle a toe until God has
finished his conversation with me. At first it took me many hours to
return to full body functionality, but the last three days have
taught my body to kick back hard and get back on my feet as soon as
me, as consciousness, has returned. Oh what a joy.
Trance and expanded consciousness
discovered the state of trance already before I was kicked off my
feet. During sleep a week before this. But every day my body gets
more and I get better and better at going down there. Down through
the door to nothingness. For every trance I get, more and more
healing energy is poured into my body and I come out feeling exactly
the same… but a little stronger yet.
I see now, that the reason my body didn’t want to sleep at night,
before this period, was because it would rather stay awake than
surrender to, what it could not escape – which has happened during
these last 7 days. The part of letting entirely go of all
body-energy, in order to come as close as possible to the bottom of
the whole of nothingness, with out letting the body go entirely… All
of this in order for me to discover the state of consciousness not
sleeping and not being awake – being out of this world, but being
All of my life I have fallen into the hole, and right through the
door to sleep, as most people. Only been aware of the three states –
awake, on the way to sleep and being asleep. But as of now my
consciousness have expanded to become aware of the possibility to
pass the door of sleep. And go further down into the hole of
The sense of falling one sometimes get right before falling asleep,
is falling into this same hole. Through the trances I am getting
more and more aware of how to move myself past the door of sleep and
go deeper and deeper down the hole of Nothingness. The place to be,
which I never had an idea was there. I don’t loose myself going
there, I just have no idea of time and have no thoughts. Am just
awareness. The body closes down to minimum functionality as earlier
which it doesn’t do while sleeping.
The feeling of carrying the energy
When I’m in between trances now, it still feels very much the same
being me. Except from the fact that I have a silent humming noice,
like a generator buzzing, inside my body. All that feels different
is the feeling of this energy as a silent and soft motion - A curve
with movements ever so soft and light, that you have to look closely
to become aware that the motion exists.
Right now have a little pain in my left arm from the trance of
yesterday where God turned up full volume on this arm, which turned
into unbearable pain. Felt like the pain in the stomach, when I gave
birth to my son. The pain was not accompanied by nor contractions or
a baby… I am fairly sure… I actually made Gunnar check, ha ha ha.
also now know why I got this pain. I had expectations to where the
trance would take me, that made me go down again after a journey
returned safely – I knew not it was over.
Going down there by own self made will, had the result of the pain
unbearable. I was not able to let go of this, until I let go of the
thought of, what was going to happen. And this took several hours.
The pain in the arm exists now because such high cosmic voltage was
sent through my arm. Gunnar told me he had felt my arm as a total
now know, that I can never go down there by own will, only when I am
summoned. Because the body is not ready to take in more energy
before integrating the last planted.
Journal of this past week
of February – Going down…
This day I went through a period, where the part of letting go felt
My entire body got so heavy that I had to lie down. Felt like my arm
weighed a ton alone. My fingers started to sleep. Before long both
of the arms. Did I try to move it, electricity shot up and down the
area which was sleeping… characteristic stinging like a thousand
bees. The chest pain that normally was a sign to let go, moved to
the stomach. Further down to my uterus. My body was crying and
moaning. Then all of a sudden gone. Every sign – in mere seconds the
sleeping of the arms were gone too. Laughing in relief, I ate some
food. The entire body felt like a power plant. Especially and mostly
both of the arms.
had a break… And mistakenly thought that this time, I had hit some
kind of climax, which I kind of had. Until 20 minutes later when
everything was back. Ha ha ha. Pains included… but somehow
different. Felt like my body had to learn the lesson of not moving
by which action to take or not to take to be in pain. As though pain
was used as a tool for God to manipulate my body to do the right
From this day my body started to sleep at night again. This night
for 5 hours.
of February – desires turning the way of Gods will
New rhythm of the body. New rules. This day I couldn’t use my
muscles without them hurting. If I was lying still there was no
pain. Body was learning to let go the hard way. If I moved the body
energy forced fire
to the area I just spent energy from. Filling me up once again, for
the energy to do its job.
Every usage of energy. Even talking demanded so much. When I relaxed
the body, it stopped breathing several times that day. As if the
body was practicing the part of letting go of everything but lungs
and heart, but failed a couple of times before learning to do the
job. When my breath started again, it felt very uncomfortable. I
felt no hunger or thirst. But still did both by own will, when given
a short period of extra power. Energy forced me to spend my entire
day lying on the back. It felt like energy was running right below
the skin and that pressure added to any one spot on the body made
the free flow stop at that spot, to cause pain.
Then it came to that control of the energy in the body was
restricted – as I was not able to do the things that before
caused me pain, so in trying, to do the things that before had
caused me pain, I just failed.
this day energy often got so high that being felt very uncomfortable
in the body. I automatically seeked to escape the body. At first my
escape was into music or outer skin where, I asked for someone to
touch me, but more and more I started going under – and into the
hole. At first I often ended up behind the sleeping door. But some
of the times I passed the door to dreamland. At this time I became
the place of expanded consciousness. I also discovered, that while
being there the body receives maximum healing from Gods energy.
started using this hole as a fire escape door, when energy got to
high in the body. The body acted like it was sleeping, but many of
the times during being there, I was very much aware of what was
going on around my body. No thoughts of any kind but registering the
music somewhere far away and so on. My brain went out several times
this day. People could talk to me and all of a sudden I could have
left the building. Exit through the door.
This day I escaped 7-8 times into the hole - 3-4 of them I actually
went through the door of sleep. The rest of them I passed sleep and
went directly to awareness in nothing. My body was learning to
master being in this state of expanded consciousness. Of course I
had no idea that it was what I were doing. But now I see, it was.
body only allowed me to walk around two times ten minutes that day.
The rest of the time I was either breathing freely down the fire
escape or at full consciousness, just staying in a body which
couldn't be moved. No will… None at all.
of February – heavy on my heart…
now felt like the body had learned not to feel like doing anything
that caused pain. I could do things that didn’t require much energy,
but my body didn’t feel like it. The day before was a day of the
body’s learning to turn its desires into the path of Gods will with
This day offered me a lot of pain. It felt like the body went into
hibernation. This could happen any time no matter who was around me
if they were in the middle of- or if I were in the middle of a
sentence. When I came out the pain was still higher. The body used
2-3 hours to get used to the new level of pain and then out I went
body started to feel like it weighed 400 kilos. Combined with the
pain, it made it more and more difficult for me to take care of my
own body’s needs. I didn’t feel like being present, but turned
instead consciousness inwards regularly and when possible. Already
in the afternoon I wished to leave the body, fall into the hole of
unconsciousness and not return until the body was less painful – but
I could not choose this option. There were no breaks just more and
more pain. The border between being in and out of the hole became
fluid. As evening came I drifted in and out of consciousness.
The time came to ask baba Gunnar for help. Gunnar was out of the
country, I had total contact with him over the phone and especially
by heart and body through the mentioned period of time. When time
came, where I no longer could hold the phone, time had come to ask
baba Gunnar for help. He immediately responded and returned to
Denmark to let the force of his body help me out of this spiral my
body was stuck in.
10 pm Gunnar arrived. When Gunnar walked in, the most amazing thing
happened. It had become hard to be in the room, but the force in
Gunnar walked right up to me and told the force in me, to let go and
give me a break. As it happened. Gunnar said he had felt me
literally, since this kicked off. He told me afterwards that he had
no idea what would come out his mouth. He left the room. When he
walked back upstairs, we both started laughing. And we laughed our
asses off. Man it was good.
God had made the transfer of information from Gunnar's body to mine,
which taught my body instantly to let go. Instantly removed all of
the pain. Only left was the incoming numbness. I was up and about
again. I had a break – and a Kitkat! Ha ha ha.
see now that the pain of this day emerged because I tried using the
state of not being here as a way to escape the pain my body already
had. So every chance I got, I dived into the hole by self made will.
For every time I returned God had turned up the energy. And the
pain. As I discovered I can only move into this hole when being
summond. Otherwise the healing will be too strong and cause me pain.
of February – From passivity to activity…
From Friday my body started turning from the state of total
normality to the opposite of total hibernation. It happened kind of
suddenly from one moment to the next with only 30 seconds of notice.
At one time my body turned off while I was walking up the stairs to
my living room. When hibernation occurred I was totally present and
aware. Looking out through the eyes, but without any control to move
an inch. I was in this state for 30-50 minutes at the time.
After a turn of hibernation, Gunnar and I decided to head for his
home. We decided to take the train – which came to be the most
funny, hardest and most impossible trip I ever took with a train.
Everything went wrong. My body went down two times during the trip.
We had a hilarious time of him carrying me through the train station
and everything. Wonderful. My body learned on this trip that will
power could somehow effect the returning from the hibernation state.
Valuable lesson that I came to explore later on. I didn’t go into
the hole during this period – only the body went down. My body had
in cooperation with me, to fight its way onto its feet.
During the times I went up and down again on that Friday, my body
became more and more strong at the part of pulling itself back onto
its feet. Willpower had everything to do with it.
one time after a trance, I could stand no more to lie waiting to
move. I wanted to go turn up the music, because this music had great
energy that made me wish to dance. I went from close to total
numbness to dancing and screaming “YES!!!” in 7-8 minutes. I can now
activate my body even quicker. This incident gave the feeling of
total and merciful victory which started a lavine of tears while
Joy of life, love and dancing.
of February – Way to will
Saturday offered me the beginning (if there are any beginnings or
ends to be mentioned at all) to the end of this round of battling
with the beast… ha ha ha….
started the Day with getting to total heavy feeling in all of body.
It was like numbness in every muscle, making it hard to move… but
not hard enough, I was to discover. I was on my back for 4 hours
after going into the hole the first time that day. When I finally
had fought my way back on my feet, The first thing I had to do was
feel out the hearts of my friends surrounding me.
After that we went for a walk on the beach. It was so lovely. I felt
the oceans sounds could pull me back into the state of total
surrender. Had to move quickly there as my body once again laid the
groundwork to start letting go. Luckily my friend Thomas has muscles
worth mentioning as my body went wobbly 5-10 minutes before we
arrived at Gunnar's house again. They practically carried me the
last 40 meters to the house. Again – body numb – but again not
totally. All I could do was to let go.
The rest of the day offered again my moving closer and closer - my
body learning to restore itself by down period after down period.
What happened before was me learning to dive into the hole. After
that my body had to learn to return from total numbness – and in the
end, these abilities were combined. I had to learn to go into the
hole and to come back and be able to function immediately in this
of February – Hitting ground zero
This day started with a near death experience that fucked my mind
up. No fear of death had crossed my mind, but the thought of death
had been there. Just no fear. Somehow I knew that if it was to
happen, I would return in this very same body. This knowledge came
from the trust in God. That if I keep my end of the bargain and
surrender to him totally, he will let me satisfy my own need to
finish off this feeling of need to help others. For this need is
The trance I had right after waking up that morning showed me into
his garden – I hit ground cero. I took only 2-3 steps, but was
pulled back into this body, with the motion of swallowing. After the
trance I had pain in the neck and shoulders. Shortly after in the
chest and the throat. I were up for 30 minutes, then I was pulled
back into trance.
The numbness was getting more and more massive. The end of this
period of being nailed to the ground happened later this day. During
the time up to this climax, there was like a countdown – I could
feel my body's energy getting less and less restored in between the
trances – but instead getting a little bit weaker for every time. I
had 4-5 trances that day – they became shorter and shorter and were
coming closer and closer to each other.
see now that every time I had a trance I went deeper and deeper into
the hole. The body closed down further and further, and I got closer
and closer to ground cero. The experience of hitting ground cero
happened like this:
From the evening before I had the desire to eat lamb. This afternoon
I finally got it. When I was to start eating my body was totally
without energy. All functioning was my eyes and mouth. My body was
placed well by my loving friends. I could still talk and move my
eyes. No pain was involved anymore. It was pure bodywork. As I ate I
felt my throat getting number, at last my tongue and in the end my
eyes were closing.
And there I was. Behind closed shuts. Body out of order. At first I
stayed in the body. Felt it. Felt that nothing but lungs and heart
was functional. But registered my lungs where lowering my breath
into short breaths getting further and further apart. I started to
go deep and fell through the sleeping door. The walking through this
wrong door set off the reaction of a electrical body movement in my
foot. Became aware of my body again. As the body wasn’t able to move
and send out this energy burst it fired off from my foot and all the
way to my head – like the body I feel and normally can control, was
nothing but an electrical field – I felt very vividly that this
shoot-out under normal circumstances would have caused my foot to
move and send out the energy through motion. I went deep again.
Again passed through the wrong door. A dream started appearing that
I was to push something away from me, but again, the only thing
reacting was energy. No body movement. But at this time I hit out
and could in my dream actually see my hands in front of me, but at
that time I returned to awareness and the thought was oh no I cant
do that, but at the same time I saw my own hands up in front of me.
I was aware. And saw my hands not as hands, but as the same light I
see when healing people. Jumping out of the telling, I have to
mention, that when I close my eyes during a healing I see a total
road-map over the energy of the body I am healing. Before I
sometimes doubted that what I saw is really what it is, but I
followed it anyway. But now… I am sure.
Back to the telling. I was there. Looking at my hands shaped as
hands but visionally looking like light. I quickly let go of the
thought that I couldn’t do this – I WAS doing this. I moved them
from side to side. I moved them into the mattress I was lying on and
pushed my body up. I got up – but the physical body was still lying
there. I stood up – standing in my own stomach. I could see my
friends surrounding me – again not with eyes but with this vision.
Seeing energy. From that point on I was moving quickly back to the
body. Have no memory of crawling back into the body. But when I
returned to behind the eyelids – I felt my body again. Totally numb…
But again will made me move my fingers on one hand. And another. And
I started to heal my own body back to life. Amazing to feel the
energy – the life and love pass from my hand and into every muscle
as I moved my hands from place to place. I returned safely.
After this there was a lot of hugging, major love and I very quickly
regained all of my strength. Within the hour I danced and laughed
and we ended up having a great night with movie and snacks.
must say, that even though going to sleep this night involved a
“Gulp, I wonder what it will be like to wake up tomorrow”… once
again I must confess… It feels like nothing ever happened… Just
another nice weekend at Gunnars, Ha ha ha…
Back in the streets…
Again I must bow my head in total respect of the creation of Gods
called the human body.
have to thank with all of my heart my main man Gunnar help in
carrying me through these days. Literally at the train station,
Hellerup in Denmark, as well as emotionally. Love for the heart of
this man as well of the rest of my great and loving backup team: My
boyfriend Morten, My sister and brothers of heart: Nadége, Jesper
and Thomas. And the greatest of appreciation for God giving my body
such a wonderful Mother, Judy, Thank you all for trusting the life
in me blindly and respecting my wishes. The biggest of respect to
fear not the day of tomorrow, I fear nothing, and would and will
accept and kiss welcome any pain God causes this body, in order to
get the job done. When the brain is thinking, my body finds comfort
in the fact, that when this is all over, I will have so much more to
offer to the world.
Hope I get to heal you soon…
Love to you all…